As many of you have heard I lost my husband on Jan 23, 2016 to a tragic freak accident. A tree fell down on his postal truck as he was delivering his mail. That Saturday has forever changed our lives. My husband was tired………he was trying to provide for a family of 4 on less than 50,000 a year, helping his mother who is disabled, and he had developed a medial condition that was becoming a burden. He was doing the best that he could and then all of a sudden…he is no longer here. I have buried a mother and a grandmother and now to have to bury the man I called hubs for 10 years…the pain is great. We had a marriage filled with ups and downs but it was good and it was our marriage. No matter how many times we fought we forgave, no matter how many times we said something out of the way we let it go. The number one priority was our children. To make sure they were provided for and never wanted for anything. He made sure that happened more than anything. If I wanted it all I had to do was ask but I never did. I made sure that what little I made went towards me and his money went towards him.
He died at 12:30 on Saturday and I talked to him around 11:10 we were talking about these taxes and how we were going to do taxes this year with me owning my own business. The last thing I said to him was….be careful out there with that snow and weather and he said…you know I got this! Normally he has it…he is a great defensive driver normally seeing things before it happens and moving out of the way but this time that tree had his name on it. He died instantly.
My children or rather my son is taking it the hardest. Him and the hubs were inseparable always going to the latest movies together, going to get their hair cuts together, playing video games together. He has taken it hard. My daughter however has been a trooper she said on Saturday when I told her that we have a personally angel now and I quite agree. I on the other hand screamed and cried. I never asked why though because everything happens for a reason. He was a good man…humble to a fault and if he liked you, he loved you. I will miss him forever he was really my first real love since I met him in 2001. He was my opposite…he was nice while I was not so nice, he was forgiving while I struggled with that, he had a heart of gold while I had a heart with speckles of gold in it.
The nights are the hardest and I should know since I just got over my mom’s death. It’s that quietness that gets you when your mind settles down. The first week was okay because we had company but last night at around 6pm which is usually when he is walking through the door it hit us while eating dinner that he will never be sitting down to the table anymore with us. He won’t be walking in at 6pm where the kids will run me over to get to him. He won’t be posted up on the couch fast asleep as soon as he eats. Sunday footballs with the falcons will be quiet. Mornings waking me up with that light won’t ever happen again. My phone every morning will no longer ring with him on the other side asking me what I was doing…..every morning he would ask me the same question as if he didn’t already know.
I will take the next few years to love on me and my kids more. Learning to let things go that are out of my control. Learning that it’s okay to be nice to everyone even though people may throw dirt in your face. Learning how to shut down at night so I can spend some time alone with me. I will see him again one day and I can’t wait to see his face so that he can tell me how proud he was of me. The first thing I will do when I see his face is touch that beard that I know he won’t get rid of lol. May the hubs forever rest now……we will be okay and will take one day at a time.