If someone were to ask me my weakness (a few years ago not now) it’s that I am always seeking validation from others in a lot of the things I do. I ask questions like do you think I should do this or how was that move. It was bad in my 20s and early 30s but then I realized that the reason I see validation from others is because I don’t validate myself. I never trusted my thoughts because I never wanted to be wrong or if I can be truthful face the consequences of them. You see if someone else said he was a good man Savannah I can remove the blame from myself when I pick him and end up not really liking him. I can say well people said he was good rather than trusting me and my values. Here are some things that have helped me not see so much from others.
Stop asking others questions. I had to start with that. Why do I need to ask folks things like I’m a child? I’m grown and waited a long time to become grown. I need to know what I want and stand 10 toes down on that.
Others’ perception isn’t yours. Let me put it another way. One person may think I’m beautiful while someone else may think I’m average. Everyone perceives things differently. Once you realize that people see from their own perspectives…you will understand that the only perspective that matters is yours.
Stop craving validation like it’s a double stuff Oreo. I bought a pack the other day knowing good and damn well I didn’t need it. I ate a few then decided to throw it away because I didn’t want to crave it anymore. Practice keeping things to yourself and stop needing to everyone everything. Try it for a month. Keep your heads down and just do it without telling anyone that way you don’t crave what isn’t there to begin with.
Validation can be deeper. This is where therapy comes in. I went to therapy to help me understand why I see it so much. It comes from my childhood and wanting to be praised to make me feel good. If therapy isn’t available try this instead.
Love yourself unconditionally; then earn your own respect.
