We all likely have our special Mother’s Day memories; spending time with loved ones, family brunches, flowers, and chocolate, Mother’s Day is a time to honor the woman or women in our lives who shaped us. But when your mom is no longer here and you’re grieving that maternal connection, this special holiday can feel isolating, depressing, and impossible to navigate. Whether it’s your first Mother’s Day without your mom, or you’ve been missing her for a while now, it is ok to feel lost, angry, and sad. Here are some tips on how to get through Mother’s Day if your mom has passed.
Navigating Grief on Mother’s Day
Cry it Out if You Need To
The most important thing to remember is that crying can be healing, and you don’t need to hold it in if you feel like crying. Grief can come at you when you least expect it, and often the best thing to do is to give in and let it happen.
A good cry session while watching her favorite movie could be a healthy and poignant way to remember your mother. And, don’t expect to be able to compartmentalize your grief; there’s no way to organize it, and sometimes it sneaks up when you least expect it – if you’ve ever found yourself tearing up in the grocery store after her song came on, you know exactly what I mean.
Honor Her Interests if Your Mom Has Passed
Another way to get through Mother’s Day if your mom has passed is to lean into the unique and special things about her or her personality. If you’re up for it, consider making her favorite meal or dessert and sharing it with friends and family.
There may be tears, but they will ultimately be happy tears as you enjoy something that she enjoyed. If she had a favorite flower or plant, consider getting out in your yard and planting a few of her favorites. Or, if you don’t have a yard, a quick stop by the florist to pick up her favorite flowers is a great way to honor your mom. Play her favorite music, buy her exact coffee order; doing and enjoying the things she loved is a special way to keep her close to you.
Reach Out to Someone
Often, when we’re dealing with grief, we do this weird social dance where a friend or family member will reach out and tell us to let them know if we need anything. It can feel wrong or awkward to take them up on the offer, but more than likely, they meant it; it’s just hard to know what to say to someone who is experiencing grief.
So, reach out, text, or call someone and talk about your feelings, vent if you need to. It helps to talk things out, and if someone is telling you that they’re there for you, they are – we all need to be better about asking for help when we need it.
How to Get Through Mother’s Day if Your Mom Has Passed
Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline, and Mother’s Day can stir up emotions you didn’t expect, especially when you’re celebrating with your children. Whether it’s been months or many years, the ache can come rushing back. If you’re dreading the day, but still have to put on a brave face for your kids, here are a few ways to cope.
Stay Off of Social Media
On Mother’s Day, and most every day, people like to share the special things they’re doing, especially if they’re going all out. Remember, it’s common to share the big, fun highlight reel things rather than the everyday challenging things. So, if you do go on social media, you’re likely going to see a lot of fun celebrations. Only you know whether or not these types of posts will be triggering for you as you navigate grief on Mother’s Day.
If there’s a chance that social media will bother you, it may be wise to completely stay off the internet. Give yourself permission to log off for the day, or better yet, the weekend. Turn off your notifications, temporarily delete the apps if you must, and try to distract yourself with something real and tangible you can do for yourself. Go on a hike, or a long ride or road trip, head to the bookstore or library, and load up on titles to get you through the weekend. Anything you need to do to keep your stress and anxiety low will be beneficial.
How to Get Through Mother’s Day: Give Yourself Grace
If it has been a while, you may already know how to get through Mother’s Day if your mom has passed, but you also know that grief is not linear and every year is different. Milestone years can be particularly difficult. Those years when something big happens, like a marriage or a baby being born, can be challenging. It’s important to remember that there’s no timeline for grief, and giving yourself grace is key.
Mother’s Day for some can bring up complex emotions. This is particularly true if you had a difficult relationship with your mother, you were no contact, or she may have died unexpectedly. You’ll need to process all of the feelings around your mother’s death, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself while you do.
Mother’s Day is likely going to look different from year to year, after your mother has passed. There’s no right or wrong way to handle the holiday. Some years you’ll feel strong, others you’ll barely get by, and that is fine, it’s normal, and it’s ok. Just keep showing up, reaching out when you need help, pulling back when you need time alone, and following no one’s lead but your own.
