I always say yes. Yes to everything and everyone but always no to me. I have started to set up boundaries but I backslide a lot. I saw a video about navigating boundaries in this season that made me stop and think what am I doing for me? How will I say yes to me this year?
What advice would I give to teach people how to treat you this season?
What you allow you teach….
I didn’t set boundaries until I turned 40. I would allow things that I know I didn’t like, do things I know I didn’t want to do, say yes when I wanted to say no. I didn’t want to set boundaries because I wanted to be liked, accepted, valued. The more I did for others the more people would want to hang with me or let me hang with them. I felt a sense of wanting to belong to feel a part of something. I also loved being needed. It made me feel important.
Some of the things I didn’t like…
People calling me about bullshit that could have been a text. I’m a texter don’t call me because we need to get to the point. I don’t like the small talk that seems fake when someone calls. Just text me what you want.
I didn’t like when I knew I was going to take a nap and people would call me and interrupt that nap and I would answer the phone pretending that I wasn’t sleep.
I didn’t like alcohol. I drank it to fit in but the shat is nasty but I always got a drink to sip just to make it seem like I was cool. Never finishing that drink just sipping on it occasionally wasting money as the drink wasted with ice.
My advice….
I don’t explain my boundaries anymore, or rather, my actions and why. That has been helping me set healthy boundaries. Less talking more doing. Also, I have been using the word no a lot. Just simply no.
I set up the DND on my phone at night and when I want to take a nap that way no one can get through I’ll see it when I get up. My emergencies are usually in my house when I do set the DND on and if I need too I’ll only allow certain numbers to get through.
When I go out now I decline a drink. I don’t explain why I’m not drinking I simply say no I do not want anything but water or I’ll get a mocktail.
I have trained everyone to text me because if they call I will ignore it and then text them right back. This trains people to not call me or at least text before they call.
I say no more often after looking at the whole picture. No, I’m not helping you out with money and you have a husband, no I’m not helping you out when I haven’t heard from you in months, no I’m not paying for anything when you just bought something big for your own home.
I am not loving this season but I am loving this season if that makes sense.
